What a Tease
I know some things in my life. I know that I will never win an argument with my wife. I know that the weather in
Despite my severe dislike for the cell phone companies and their wholesale ripoff of the people of this country. I have a cell phone. And, despite how much I know they gouge prices, I went to buy a new one recently.
This is actually supposed to be the best part of the whole deal. As a guy, I go to the cell phone store looking for the most expensive phone with as many bells and whistles as possible. I want a phone that will make me more of a man; an extension of my already massive penis.
Beyond the basics of a freaking awesome phone, I like the chance to haggle with the salespeople and try to get a better deal. This is actually rather easy. My wife and I are both fast talkers, and the salespeople usually speak better Spanish than English. My wife is a bit bitchy when it comes to talking to salespeople, so it’s fun to watch her make them look foolish. I feel good about this because, for at least an hour, it’s not me she’s yelling at.
So, I’m all set. I have my Hawaiian shirt, my most comfortable shoes, and my poker face. It’s time to deal. The only problem is, I have to deal with my wife. Yes, I want the biggest, most expensive phone. Unfortunately, I have to settle for the one we can get without actually having to pay any money. So, I end up with the phone that looks just like my old phone.
Have you ever had sex and not had an orgasm? As rare as that is for a man, it does happen. That’s what cell phone shopping is like. I go to the store, and despite getting something for nothing, the cell phone company always wins. I got screwed there and didn’t enjoy it. To top it off, I go for prime rib and end up with some grade D beef for a phone. I get screwed by my wife there and didn’t get to enjoy that either. What is the lesson in all this? I guess I’ll have to go spank it, but I know better than to expect to enjoy that either.
And remember, if there’s grass on the field, put up a tent, throw some steaks on the barbeque, and play some two-hand touch football with the sorority girls having a carwash across the street.
The Testosterone Pundit
(Note: In lieu of a picture. Here is a link to a pretty funny video relating to cell phones. One day, I'll learn how to embed them. In the mean time, enjoy.)