Friday, May 26, 2006

Into the Mouth of Madness: An Introduction to the Testosterone Pundit

These are never easy to write. I know people don’t like it when you spend so much time talking about yourself, but let me say that I am much more interesting than most of the people you read about on the blogosphere. Most people are self-indulgent douche bags who just want to gripe with no thought to the possibility that people will actually read what they write. I know you’re going to read this. At least, you damned well better. So, I won’t write about me. I’ll write about stuff that interests me and interests you, too.

I’ll give you the basics… I’m married and late twenty-something. I have a toddler who makes life wonderful and terrible. Besides my family, I’m an expert in sports, food, video games, female nudity, TV where girls get almost naked (or totally naked), and movies where things blow up and girls get naked. Did I miss anything naked?

So, what do you want to hear? I’m guessing that you want to hear about the things you love. You’ll hear from me about the upcoming fantasy football season. You’ll know about the latest blockbuster movies coming. You’ll get the latest pictures of half-naked women.

Most of all, we’re going to examine, in depth, the things that make men men. We’re going to go out and find the most testosterone-filled news stories, the most disgusting things people eat, the freakin’ awsomest explosions possible. (Yes, awesomest is a word, dammit!) And, don’t forget the half-naked chicks!

In a world ruled by women (and don’t let anybody fool you, it is ruled by women), we’re going to find the guy stuff, and we’re going to look at it from a guy perspective. No Will and Grace here. (That is the only time that particular NBC show will ever be mentioned on this blog.)

So, we’ll start with an easy one. Here’s a good manly band you’ve probably never heard of: Confederate Railroad. A country band, they came and went in the early 1990’s. They were never much of a blip on the radar, but, with songs like Trashy Women, Daddy Never Was the Cadillac Kind, and Queen of Memphis, they set the tone for early 21st Century exposed midriffs, ghetto booties, pierced navels, fake nails, and the trashy women we see and love on TV every day. Their sound and content is a moderized Johnny Cash sort of thing. See the link to the left for more on Confederate Railroad.

Well, that’ll be enough for me. This is the Testosterone Pundit reminding you that if there’s grass on the field, put up a tent, throw some steaks on the barbeque, and play some flag football with the sorority girls having a carwash across the street.

The Testosterone Pundit

(Note: I deliver as promised. The photo above is Eva Longoria, courtesy of our friends at Maxim. You’re welcome.)


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