Sunday, May 28, 2006

The Little Blue Happy Pill

No one wants to talk about it, but it’s time we brought it into mainstream society: male enhancement drugs. I won’t bother with that tree hugging hippie natural male enhancement. We’ll cut straight to the good stuff: Levitra, Viagra, and Cialis

I think what probably amazes me most about these drugs is the commercials. Viagra goes out and finds old guys to do their commercials. Most notably, they have Rafael Palemeiro, who was suspended during last season for imbibing some other enhancements, and Mark Martin, who drives the Number 6 Viagra car in the Nextel Cup Series NASCAR series. There have to be some great jokes in the locker room for these guys.

Levitra, on the other hand, goes the less obviously manly route. They prefer the more sexy appeal. Their commercials sported this really hot older woman (Marie Sylvia, pictured here) explaining how much better her man was now. Depending on the time of day you saw the commercial and on what station, she was more or less explicit.

The first commercial I ever saw for Cialis mentioned nothing about what the drug did and was aired during the Superbowl. It showed an older couple sitting in matching bathtubs on the ocean, no plumbing in sight, holding hands.

On the whole, none of these commercials really explain what the pills do. If they do mention anything, they call it ED, or Erectile Dysfunction. I like that. It certainly beats going to the doctor and saying, “I can’t get it up.”

The only memorable side effect of these drugs is extended-duration erections. They say that, if it lasts for more than four hours, you should see a doctor. I can tell you this. Most men I know will risk it falling off for a full eight or twelve hours of sex that is only interrupted by a pastrami sandwich and a few beers.

SPOILER WARNING! (This is one for the ladies. If you don’t want to know your man’s secret skip to the next paragraph.) Men don’t have much foresight. We want stuff now, and we don’t think about later. The only time we save money is for a cool car, a new HDTV, or a new Playstation 3. Even then, we’ll blow about three times as much money as we’ll save.

Most men will take two Viagra when they only need one. Why? If one hard-on is good, two would be better, right? Well, I know none of you need the little blue happy pills, but, on a whim, if you decide to take one. Do so with my blessing. And, if for some reason, the erection doesn’t go away, go blow your life savings on hookers before you’re emasculated and have to become a Catholic priest.

And remember, if there’s grass on the field, put up a tent, throw some steaks on the barbeque, and play some flag football with the sorority girls having a carwash across the street.

The Testosterone Pundit

15 Comments:

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Blahahaha! I live in Romania and haven't seen any of the commercials, but from the way you described it, it sounds hilarious!

And who wouldn't want two boners? I'm a three man myself!

Nice blog.

Peace out,
Me.

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