Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Something Other Than Chicks

In my attempt to broaden my repertoire of things to discuss, I thought I’d try my hand at a discussion of video games. I spend too much time talking about sexy women, and not enough time talking about other stuff. That said, I’ll discuss here the latest things that are manly in the realm of electronic entertainment.

Let me clarify something here… Some adults, male and female, think it’s childish to play video games. In some respects, I would agree. However, every major men’s magazine reviews gaming systems from time to time, and it is a multi-billion dollar industry. You want to tell me that it’s a bunch of little kids spending that kind of loot? I don’t freakin’ think so.

If you feel like dropping about $450 you can get the new Xbox 360. What’s so great about the 360? Simply, it is the next generation of home gaming console. It provides life-like detail, and everything that guys love about games—real-looking blood splatter, action-packed chase and fight scenes, and some of the best sounding explosions out there. What could be better?

Oh, I almost forgot, the half-naked chicks look more real. Can you wait for the new Tomb Raider game with Lara Croft? Don’t lie. How many of you have spanked it to an old Tomb Raider game? Well, now see her size zero waist and 36DD breasts in three dimensions. Welcome to the 21st Century!

If you’re a gamer who likes tradition, don’t spend your money on the Xbox. Wait for Sony’s release of the Playstation 3. This will be the end-all be-all of video gaming. Sony is the industry leader. In terms of quality, there won’t be much difference between the PS3 and Xbox, but the game selection and sheer volume of PS3’s sold will be enough for me to want one (if my wife will let me).

Why video games? Well, there are several reasons. After all, you can only look at porn for so long. It does get tiresome after a while. And, reading? In the summer? That’s what people who go to the beach do. What’s the only reason to go to the beach? Yes, to look at girls in bikinis, which you can’t do if you’re reading.

SPOILER WARNING! Another great reason for video games is the excuse factor. Let’s say you’re playing your latest edition of Madden, and your wife wants you to go shopping with her. “As soon as I’m done with this game,” you reply. Then, you change the quarter length from five to fifteen minutes. You’re looking at, at least, another half hour of game play. Maybe you can even make it into over time. Then, you’ll have to save everything. You can probably stretch it into an hour. By then, your wife has given up the shopping trip. Then, there’s time for one more game.

Finally, the best reason of all for the video game system is the social factor. You have the guys and their respective ladies over for some socializing. What happens when—twenty minutes into the conversation—there’s nothing to talk about? Let’s play some NCAA Football! The girls will retire to the kitchen, and the guys can talk about what they really want to talk about: naked chicks.

This is the Testosterone Pundit remind you, if there’s grass on the field, put up a tent, throw some steaks on the barbeque, and play some flag football with the sorority girls having a carwash across the street.

The Testosterone Pundit

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