Saturday, June 17, 2006

A Father’s Day Schedule

Well, tomorrow’s the big day for all you dad’s. So, it’s time to own up to being her baby’s daddy and go out and celebrate. Here is a list of some things you should make sure to do on your special day.

1. Sleep late. What could be better than waking up at noon? Hopefully there’s somebody there with you (wife is optional)

2. Watch porn. If you’re lucky, you can get your wife (or whoever you woke up with) to watch with you and practice some of the moves she sees.

3. Receive oral sex. Hey, it’s your special day. There’s no need to share the pleasure. This could go right along with the porn.

4. Grill. This one is pretty obvious. If you can throw some steaks on the grill, drink a beer and get a tan, you’re all set. Maybe you can incorporate #3 with this. Grilling and getting some might actually be the greatest thing that has ever happened…ever.

5. Masturbate. You may not need to do this one, if you’ve completed #3. However, if you’ve watched the porn alone, you gotta do what you gotta do.

6. Drink much beer. This is the favorite pastime of the working dad. Swill down some suds and enjoy the day. After all, what else do you really have to live for? Your kids? Right! They can’t wait to take your money, move out, and leave you in an old folks home where you’ll die, and they can take what they didn’t get the first time.

Well, that’s about it for me. Print your checklist, and feel free to share if I missed anything.

And remember, if there’s grass on the field, put up a tent, throw some steaks on the barbeque, and play some two-hand touch football with the sorority girls having a carwash across the street.

The Testosterone Pundit

(Note: What would a discussion of porn be without the queen herself, Jenna Jameson? I had a hard time finding a clothed picture of her.)

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