Monday, June 12, 2006

Midget Tag: A "Little" History

It all started back in college. My buddies and I were awaiting our new roommate. We had unintentionally driven out our original companion. I guess he was more into the student thing than we were. It could have been the fact that some random drunk urinated on his bed over the weekend he went home and we wouldn’t clean it up. Man, by the time he got back, it stunk. Anyway, this poor kid got pissed (pun intended) and moved out. About a week later the college assigned us a new friend.

The new guy’s name, I think, was Dave. This kid was unbelievably disturbed. He hung posters of random civil rights activists all around his bunk. Not really a big deal, until one fell down. Hidden under the poster was a menagerie of bizarre pornography. Don’t get me wrong I have no problem with porn, but why would someone go through all the trouble of hiding pictures under posters. Moreover, many of the pictures involve animals and other odd stuff. This was not normal porn. What was this kid doing when we were not home? Even today the possibilities make me tremble.

After a brief discussion with our lesbian RA (I can’t make this stuff up) and a few uncomfortable requests to the Director of Resident Life we managed to get this kid to move out. Not before, however, we were introduced to Sarah. Sarah was his midget witch girlfriend (yes, I am serious). This small treasure was the start of what turned into my ongoing unquenchable fascination with midgets. You see although Dave moved out he still remained on campus and he came to hate us. Of course you can’t blame the kid for the contempt he harbored. We told just about everyone we could about his secret posters and unique taste in women.

The combination of civil rights, midgets and witchcraft lead to some the funniest memories from my college days. The funniest of which is still in practice today. Originally we had set up a sort of watchdog system for keeping track of our former roommate and his elf. Our circle of friends would, without fail, report back to the group any sighting of these two characters. It became the highlight of every Sunday morning hangover breakfast. People would share stories about them or any other odd persons that were encountered during the course of the week. I can’t even begin to do justice to the time we saw them dressed up like Dungeon and Dragons characters (it wasn’t Halloween).

Eventually it got to the point that upon a sighting of these two an immediate phone call was required. Before the mainstream of the cell phones this took some effort. I remember excusing myself from dinner with my folks to leave a message on my buddy’s answering machine. They were sitting at the table directly across from me and I had to tell someone. The look on my fathers face was priceless when I told him the story. My mother was not happy and told me to stop being a jerk and leave to two of them alone. Secretly, I believe, she thought it was funny too, but never would she admit it. It soon become common practice to report sightings of any odd persons, especially midgets, with out delay.

This little campus game has today become the main source of contact I still have with my old college pals as well as my present circle of “friend”. We now refer to it as Midget Tag and have even established game rules and prizes. The rules are very simple and the prizes are never the same. For now I will leave you to ponder this. It is yours to ridicule or partake in, but on Wednesday I will post the rules and an invitation to play. I will even provide prizes to the winner.

Until then, keep you eyes open and look down.

*Picture of Midget Kizz borrowed from strangecosmos.com (retrieved on 6-12-06/ http://www.strangecosmos.com/ content/item/ 12618.html)

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