Thursday, June 08, 2006

Things That Suck

It sucks that this young lady does not live in a glass house next to mine.

Soda machines that charge $1.25 for a drink suck. Who the frig carries change anymore? With the advent of the debit card I’m lucky if I even have cash on me. That sucks! And how about those poor fat high school kids across the country that scrape together 5 quarters, they can’t even buy a real soda anymore. I mean give the poor fat kid a break. He can’t get laid. He only has 20 minutes to choke down 4 over cooked mystery meat sandwiches, a few bags of Doritos and a box of Little Debby snack cakes and our government is going to make him chase it with a diet soda.

My ex-girlfriend from high school could really suck. Not really a looker, but I was a fat kid chasing Little Debbie with a Coke. You’ve got love a girl who appreciates a good sense of humor and a lobster dinner.

That telemarketer that called last night at 9:30 and woke up the dog…who woke up the baby…who woke up my wife…who yelled at me for waking up the baby. I thought my number was on that hoax of a no call list, but my phone rings constantly and I have no friends. When I told the women, who was convinced my name was Ray, I was on the no call list she said that it didn’t matter. She could call because she worked for a survey company and wasn’t selling anything. I told her she still can’t call this number. She replied per whom? Per me! YOU ASS!!!

Arriving home from a week long ski trip; after a 5 hour drive during which you were unable to stop for food because you ran out of money. You and your buddy knowing there are left over burgers and hot dogs in the cooler in the trunk and planning to fire up the grill as soon your home. Upon arrival you race to the cooler grab the victuals and rush inside to get everything ready (by the way it’s 2 AM). You lovingly place the food on top of the cooler and leave the kitchen to light the grill and take a leak. When you return salivating to retrieve your banquet you find the dog has just polished off the last your breakfast.

Monica Lewinsky…I bet you thought that was a dead reference.

Having to take a dump and finding that the only bathroom with in 4 square miles has been made unusable by some jackass before you. You take the family or girlfriend to a little coastal town for the day. You have stopped at every hot dog cart and roadside snack stand possible (see Family Trip Survival Guide) and now that fried chili cheese dog you ate for breakfast is knocking on your backdoor. You notice that down by the public parking lot next to the bike rental place is the only public bathroom in town. Desperate and no longer concerned with the normal dangers associated with pooping in a public place you bolt for the single stalled palace. Upon arrival you find that a tribe of baboons must have had a feces fight moments before you arrived. Now that Sucks!

Please feel free to add to my list. It’s always fun to laugh at another's pain.

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