Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Ugly Camp, Part 1

As much as I enjoy looking at women, there are a few of them that aren’t exactly the cream of the crop. In fact, some fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Where does that leave us guys? Well, for average ugly guy, it improves our chances of hooking up with somebody. Guys won’t turn their heads to look at her; unless they think there’s a wild beast loose in the mall. But, is that so bad?

This is the first part of a series where we will examine how to turn the ugly chick into a beauty in no time flat. In this issue, I have found a few heinous celebrities you can begin courting at your leisure. In the next installment, we will examine how to turn your dog into a…well, into a show dog anyway. Before you know it, you’ll have her jumping over little matchbox walls at the Westminster Kennel Club.

*Rosie O’Donnell. I know what you’re thinking: “Why the hell would I date her?” I couldn’t agree more, but you know as well as I do that sometimes you gotta take what you can get. And, remember, we’ll be sending her to ugly camp, so she won’t be ugly long.

*Ellen DeGeneres. Like Rosie, this will be an uphill battle. After all, she bats for the other team. But, again, ugly camp and brainwashing (I mean intense psychotherapy) can fix anything.

*RuPaul. I know. He’s a man, dressed as a woman. But, I can’t stress this enough. Some guys have to do what they have to do. We all take the good with the bad. At ugly camp we have a whole team of surgeons ready and willing to accomplish the improbable. (And don’t lie to me, before you knew the truth you thought RuPaul was hot!)

Alright, that’s enough for now. Coming soon, we’ll look at the basics of Ugly Camp. How can this strenuous six-week experience turn your mut into a shitzu? Come back soon and see.

And remember, if there’s grass on the field, put up a tent, throw some steaks on the barbeque, and play some two-hand touch football with the sorority girls having a carwash across the street.

The Testosterone Pundit

4 Comments:

Blogger Jekyll said...

Did you really put a picture of RuPaul on our blog? I would rather look at two lama going at it.

9:41 PM  
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