Thursday, June 29, 2006

Ugly Camp, Part 2

Well, now that we’ve given a small list of some of the people who will be attending the celebrity edition of Ugly Camp, it’s time to look at some of the activities of their six-week retreat of pain, discomfort, and beautifying.

Don’t forget that Ugly Camp isn’t just for celebrities. Send your particularly butch wife or girlfriend right along. Before you know it, guys will be looking at her in the mall. Who knows, you may want to shop her around and see if you can get some indecent proposals.

Anyway, back to the point. It’s time to look at what makes up Ugly Camp.

*Specialized diet. It’s easy enough to just stop feeding the fat chicks, but that doesn’t always do what needs to be done. So, at Ugly Camp we’ll be tailoring a diet specifically for your horse, cow, or dog. As easily as we can turn the big girls’ diets into sprouts and water, we can create a high-calorie, high-fat diet of cheeseburgers and shots of lard every half hour. That way, we can fix up the Rosie O’Donnells and the Mischa Bartons.

*Extreme plastic surgery. As you know, the largest part of ugly is the ugly part. We can overlook the fat people. We can overlook the dumb people. But, when it comes down to the aesthetic principle, you can’t beat a good looker. So, we’ll take Courtney Love, and turn her into Anna Kournikova!

*Tough workouts. Can you think of anything more exciting than six hours of strenuous physical labor? What is better than a washboard stomach on a chick? Once she’s got the stomach, we’ll pierce her belly and make her even more sexy.

This is just a start. More on Ugly Camp to come.

And remember, if there’s grass on the field, put up a tent, throw some steaks on the barbeque, and play some two-hand touch football with the sorority girls having a carwash across the street.

The Testosterone Pundit


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