Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Worst Job Ever

Since Britney Spears’s child’s numerous near-death experiences, the pop diva has fired all of her house staff and hired new ones. Among the new house staff is a “manny.” What’s a manny? Simply, a manny is a male nanny. For the slow guys in the room, that’s man and nanny put together: manny.

How can this be bad, you ask. You get to hang out with Britney Spears, probably see her more “normal” (by normal I mean naked) than anybody other than her husband (and maybe him, too). You probably get paid a lot of money, and all you have to do is take care of a kid who’s barely a toddler. What could be wrong with this?

Allow me to explain. First and foremost, you have to hang out with that douche bag, Kevin Federline. I’m guessing Britney keeps him on a pretty short leash. But, could you take orders from a guy like that? I couldn’t. In fact, I might have to beat the hell out of him. I will have to add him to people I want to see get kicked in the nuts. What a freakin’ moron!

Next, you have to spoil some punk kid who’s probably going to grow up one day and think he’s the male Paris freakin’ Hilton. What’s going to happen when, in fifteen years, you get to see your little boy all grown up on the Internet banging three cocktail waitresses at the Taj Mahal in Vegas. Wait, that may not be a bad thing. I guess that means you trained him well.

I don’t mean to bag on Britney. She’s just as trashy as K-Fed is, but I’d take a shot at her if she rolled by. (That’s an invite, Britney, in case you’re wondering.) I do mean to bag on Kevin Federline. I know more than one (or one million) guys have done their fair share of wanking to Britney’s videos. He strikes gold, and what does he do? He acts like a total piece of white trash straight out of the trailer park in Kentucky. Doesn’t it take you back to a time where a guy with a car could get just about any girl at the Shoney’s Big Boy? It’s time to class up a bit, you idiot!

Alright, enough about that retard. As you can see, I have a completely irrational hatred for him. I guess I’m jealous. I’ll leave you with a lovely picture of his main squeeze. Good wanking!

And remember, if there’s grass on the field, put up a tent, throw some steaks on the barbeque, and play some two-hand touch football with the sorority girls having a carwash across the street.

The Testosterone Pundit

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